If there is one thing I've learned from living in the U.S. (the land of opportunity) it is to recognize opportunity when it presents itself. I have also learned that soda is delicious, super-sizing is super-duper, and please pass the remote. So in a perfect storm of unexpected opportunity and downright lazy I hatched a brilliant plan to wake the children and summon them to breakfast by blasting melodic tin can bumble bees in their rooms. It worked, and a morning routine was born.
It didn't stop there.
I wasted no time wiring the family's network of 4 computers for Instant Messaging. Sure, I can send playful messages to the house from my office... and, yes, the Mrs. can easily divert me to pick up milk on the way home, but the best application of this lazy-enabling resource is within the home itself. From the kitchen, I can send an Instant Message to our computer enslaved basement dwellers alerting them to the hot and ready status of their current meal service.
It gets better.
Cristy and I each acquired iPhones late last year and Molly recently saved up to purchase an iPod Touch, adding three mobile devices to the arsenal of Internet enabled Instant Messengers in our home. Are you losing count yet? I am. And I'm the help desk.
Last night I was sitting on the couch having a pleasant conversation with my wife when it dawned on us both that it was the kids' shower night, a surprisingly protracted evening activity which draws heavily on round-up skills we picked up at the Cat Ranch.
Inspiration struck, as it too rarely does, and I reached into my pocket for my iPhone. I opened a Group Chat (which allows broadcast to multiple contacts) and sent a single message to all of my online children at once... "SHOWER TIME!" it said. And then we waited.
The dungeon emptied with the sound of begrudged feet moping up the stairs. The sand bag steps continued on up another flight to the bedrooms and eventually the water turned on. I looked at Cristy with wide eyes and she gazed back in amazement. "Eureka!", I said.
Move over electric pepper grinder! Dear Lay-z-Boy Recliner With the Built in Beer Fridge, your day in the shade is over! I had in my very hand the next great leap forward in enabling technology for the lazy man!! A remote control for my children.
Take that, Richard Simons!
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