Dear God

Dear God, my dishwasher repairman (known hereafter as "Bill") has informed me that the unit's electronic control panel has been destroyed by an apparent power surge. Now I don't know much about the forces controlling electric power fluctuations, but apparently both Bill and You do... because Bill has fingered You as the culprit.

Unfortunately, the 3 year warranty which covers my dishwasher's electronic control panel excludes damages incurred by You ("Acts of God" in legalese). It seems to me that, with the whole world in Your hands, You'd have more than enough to keep Yourself busy. I understand You have several million children displaced in Darfur who might benefit from an end to the violence there, but I digress.

Why my dishwasher? With all Your power, grace, and love, could You not have found a more constructive outlet for Your destructive Self? I struggle to interpret this message You've delivered via the public electric grid. Could it be....

1. The food bits my dishwasher removes are part of Your creation and so their destruction offends Thee?

2. Cleanliness is next to Godliness and we were just getting too damn close for comfort?

3. You moonlight as a Quality Control technician for KitchenAid and You were just checking to see if they'd installed a fuse or surge protector?

4. My dishwasher has died for my sins?

Regardless of the reason, or the intended message, the dirty dishes are stacking up. If You're not busy later, would You mind? I'll wash and rinse if You would please dry. Thanks.

Your son,

Scott Coveyduck

P.S. - Reimbursement for the repair bill would be appreciated. You probably don't have a checking account, I know banks prefer You to have a mailing address, but we can work something out. Perhaps You could infuse my boss with a little generosity before my next annual review.